SOS Coney Island SOS Vampire Siege SOS. Hey, Jimmy. I don’t want to alarm you, but I am preparing to be attacked by one or more of them.
I’m just letting you know in case something happens to me. I am working up a major defensive plan inside my perimeter using everything I have at my disposal right now.
My communications are my cell phone, my land line for 911, and my CB radio tuned to emergency channel nine. I’m trying to decide if it is better if it looks like I am here or not. Accordingly, the lights will be on or off, inside and out, and the radio on when I sleep, so it sounds like I am up, if that is best.
I’m barricading the doors, and have double-checked all outer door and window locks. As a last ditch, I’m locking the bedroom door and I have rigged a dead-fall type booby trap on the inside of my bedroom door which opens outward. If they get through it, that ought to give me some time. Retreat to the bathroom and locking the bathroom door is the last stronghold. If it comes to that, I’m getting down in the bathtub and unleashing hellfire.
I wish I had more firepower. What I have is a Browning BDA .380 and a Ruger 10/22. But I’ve jungle-clipped a couple of high capacity magazines together for the Ruger and I have another one, too. I have a ton of .22LR ammo of all different types, but it is what it is. I don’t have much ammo for the BDA, but what I have is hollow points. I’ve worked up a bunch of defensive positions in here with fields of fire. If they get in here, it is back to the wall with no escape or other recourse. This is a damn vampire siege.
I’ve got three flashlights including a big one I can use as a billy club, a baseball bat, a fire extinguisher, and a giant bayonet. If I don’t make it, please take care of Pouncey da Lion, if he makes it through. He is a real good cat. Remember my Italy book with instructions for my estate. I am scared to go outside. I have never been this afraid in my entire life. I’m sorry it went down this way.
Anyway, who cares. I’ve heard silver helps, but I am not sure how. All I have is a couple of silver dollars. Man, do I wish I had an RPG or a LAWS rocket. Or both. I also wish I had a flak jacket and helmet. Oh, well. If I make it to Christmas, maybe that’s a thought. Ha, ha. I’ve got enough food for right now, but it won’t last forever. I’m always wearing my tennis shoes and socks. I need to make sure I put that BDA together right after the last time I field stripped it. I’m on super high alert. This is a mess. And don’t come by selling Girl Scout cookies, you wimp. I’m not answering the door. I’m not answering the door, anymore.