All the Buzzer:  I’m jumping on the Houston Astros bandwagon.  I love me some Houston Astros baseball because the Astros can do no wrong.

I’ve been minding my own business this baseball off-season.  That is, until I started seeing the purple prose coming out of the Houston Astros, their management and players, as well as Major League Baseball.

You see, I like things that other people hate.  When the hate starts flowing, I get interested and in that loving mood.

And I love me some Houston Astros baseball.

I’m in good company, too.  Outside of the Astros family and friends, we circle the wagons.  But within our confines is the entire, and considerable, prison population of the USA, not to mention Latin American and the Caribbean.

The Astros got away with it.  We got away with “The Big Dirty.”

We get to keep the trophy, the money, the title, all of our wins, all of the ill-gotten gains, because it is a futile effort to take it away from us (we’ll just steal it back) and a trophy is just a piece of metal.

Just like a trash can lid.

It doesn’t matter anyway, because we sold them both down on the corner.

Or, we sold them at the scrapyard.  What difference does it make?

In 2019, we were all the buzzer, but we got confused because the Nationals cheated our system.  But, rest assured, we are working on that in spring training.  We are a piece of work in progress.

We would have won anyway, even without the cheating.  We are that good.  And cocky.

You need to believe what we say now because we have credibility.  I tell you this, my truth, with my hand over my buzzer.

Stop calling us names.  We are not scumbags.  We are not dirty little bitches.  We are not lying (expletive-deleted) little (expletive-deleted).

Please don’t throw the ball at our heads.  Or ribs.

Please give us the benefit of our well-earned doubt.  We are not used to apologizing.  English may not be our first language.  Our apology is not wanting to fly.  We are sorry for that.

We are golden boys who can do no wrong.

The slap on the wrist MLB gave us proves we didn’t do anything wrong.

We punked Aroldis Chapman.

If you sue us, we will see you in Bankruptcy Court because lawyers say the consequential damages from “this thing” flow endlessly.

But, one thing you can never take from us is our title.  We won it fair and square.

The Houston Astros are my favorite team.  I am completely on the bandwagon.

I’m thinking of stealing some tickets or just sneaking into a game.

I’m gonna steal some money and buy a really nice Houston Astros hat from 12th Street Ricky and wear it around town.

It’s gonna match my flak jacket.

And my buzzer.