-
All the Buzzer: I’m Jumping on the Houston Astros Bandwagon
All the Buzzer: I’m jumping on the Houston Astros bandwagon. I love me some Houston Astros baseball because the Astros can do no wrong. I’ve been minding my own business this baseball off-season. That is, until I started seeing the purple prose coming out of the Houston Astros, their management and players, as well as…
-
Breaking Newsflash: Carrot Baby Dead/Jailhouse Jealousy Rage
With deepest regret, the sad task has fallen upon this esteemed publication, to wit: informing the world that the beloved Carrot Baby has died. Carrot Baby died early this morning in a gloriously sporting attempt to escape from the County Jail. Allegedly, Carrot Baby blew through the sally port of said facility on a hopped-up…
-
12th Street Ricky Arrested After Four-State Crime Spree
12th Street Ricky was arrested yesterday after a four-state crime spree which terrorized parts of Missouri, Kansas, Oklahoma, and Arkansas. The senseless rampage started in southeastern Kansas just north of the Oklahoma border. According to law enforcement sources, it was there that 12th Street Ricky hijacked a DC-3 cargo plane after throwing its pilot down…
-
Top Secret and Classified Future Big Fight Naming Rights
TOP SECRET: Details of CLASSIFIED negotiations and naming rights to all thirteen editions of the upcoming big fight, including subsequent rematches. CLASSIFIED: These details are currently in negotiation and have been leaked, The Very Fake News has revealed, by way of an unnamed source deep within the bowels of the janitorial water closet at the…
-
Zombie Defense Tactics: The Petroleum Flood – Part 4
The PETROLEUM FLOOD OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS was supposed to enable great zombie defense tactics, but the zombies got rich instead. This is a PETROLEUM FLOOD OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS. It’s like a million year flood. You’ve got the Great Oil Lake out west. You’ve got the Mighty Light Sweet River cutting the country in two. What…